Admission of Guilt

My name is Pat and I'm a Wordaholic.

(Here's where you say: "Hi, Pat", all in unison.)

It has been fourteen hours since my last Words With Friends. I have tried to quit many times before but this time I'm going to do it. I am! Or at least cut down.

Like a lot of people, I guess, I got sucked into the life by a well-meaning relative. I mean, he can handle it, I guess, and in the beginning I could too. I only played with a few people and only occasionally. I was a social Worder. I was able to control it for quite awhile but then it began to demand more and more of my time. I went from playing just with a few more friends and only in the evening to checking my phone every few minutes to see if those friends were playing. They didn't seem to be there as often as I wanted to play. But I could quit any time I wanted.

Then, I got into the hard stuff.  I found a partner on the site called "Solo" (related to Han, I believe.) And he was there all the time. Anytime I wanted I could just look up my old friend, Solo, and he was ready. He matches me word for word and I only have to wait two minutes between moves. Looking back I can see that he was working to pull me in further and further. He plays ridiculous words, ones that don't even have a definition, but are "accepted Words With Friends words", according to the game dictionary, for huge points.  And he knows the monetary units of the lost Ottoman empire and uses them. And he's always blocking my plays, the ones I planned ahead of time and thought about in the night. But, and here's where I got suspicious, he still mostly loses by just a few points, so I keep coming back. Granted, my inner competitive nature, which I didn't even think I had, has come out and I have played some words worth points in the high nineties, once I got a word that was worth 120 points! And I keep searching for those kinds of words. I need more and more! And so, I come back. Over and over and over.

I can hide it well. I multi-task while we are watching television. I started out just playing during the baseball games I watch with my husband. Then I played during the news, that's something I can listen to with half an ear. Now, God help me, I catch myself playing Words With Friends during a drama that I really want to see and my husband will make a comment about a character and I'll say, "Uh-huh. What did she say?" At church, even though I manage to keep my phone off during the sermon, the minute I get to the car I turn it on to see what Solo has played and figure out how I can beat him. I rarely blog anymore. I stopped working on my novel even though its almost done. I don't have time for those things! I'm Wording!

So Sunday, what did the young pastor preach about? Doing nothing. Wasting time. Doing meaningless things when we should be doing important things. How did he find that stuff out about me??

It got my attention. Now I'm going to make an effort again. I've done it before, but was never able to stay on the wagon, but this time I mean it. No more Words With Friends. At least not with Solo. Maybe just a little bit with a few real friends. And only at night. I can do this. One day at a time.

Just think, if I manage this, maybe I'll start working on my Facebook addiction.

A Close Shave

There was a post on Facebook the other day about a little girl who noticed the lady in front of her in the checkout line had unshaved armpits and she asked her mother, in a whisper as loud as only little kids in public places can do, "Why does that lady have armpits like Daddy does?"

The mother, of course, was totally embarrassed but the free-spirited lady turned around and sweetly explained to the little girl that some people want to live naturally and that she had chosen to do away with shaving hair and other unnatural things foisted upon society by men. She was so nice about it and the mother was so impressed with her forward thinking that she took a picture of the unshorn lady with the little girl and posted it. It seemed like a reasonable explanation, I thought, and everybody should get to choose to live as they desire. Then I noticed something else about the picture. The lady was wearing lovely make-up. And she had perfectly tweezed eyebrows.

Oh, well, I guess you choose what you want to spend time on in the morning. It did remind me of a trip we took to Italy once when our guide was a beautiful young girl wearing a thin cotton dress that was light and airy for the summer day. Even I was impressed with how very well-endowed she was and every man on the tour bus gave her his full attention. Then she pointed out the Trevi Fountain. I mean, really pointed it out, her arm fully extended toward it. The hair that hung down from her armpits rivaled the locks on Rapunzel's head! The fountain never looked so beautiful. We couldn't take our eyes off it because nobody wanted to look back at the tour guide. I know, I know. It's the European way. Even so, although I don't remember anything else about that bus trip, I still remember her.

I like to think that I'm a fully liberated woman and the older I get the less I'm constrained by society's opinions, but I don't think I'll give up my disposable Bic razor just yet. Okay, sometimes I'm lazy but since I don't have Michelle-Obama-arms, I never wear sleeveless blouses, anyway. And I don't want to scare any little girls in the check-out line.

Now That School Has Started

     My friend, Valerie, an elementary school music teacher, was explaining to me Sunday that she was getting behind on things at home "...now that school has started." The funny thing was that this was the second time I had heard the same phrase within an hour from another school teacher.
     I think I'm going to steal it! My yard is a terrible mess, weeds everywhere, veggies and flowers dead due to the heat and needing to be pulled up but I just don't have time to get out there and work in it "Now That School Has Started". And, oh, my gosh, I intended to get the linen closet cleaned out. I know we have more than two towels to our names but heaven help me if I can find them in there. 
     And my desk was my first priority. Jimmy Hoffa may be buried in there, you'd never know. I can't imagine when I am going to get to either of them "Now That School Has Started."
     Here I've gone all these years without a good excuse for the mess around this place. Oh, I know enough to leave the vacuum cleaner sitting out so that if someone comes to the door unexpectedly it looks like they have caught me in mid-cleaning instead of "Oh, my word! Are they about to condemn this place?" And if I have any warning someone is coming I just spray a little Pledge behind my ears and stick a dust cloth in my back pocket. They can draw their own conclusions.     
     I had a friend when my boys were little who, twice a day---I am not making this up!---went around and wet-dusted her furniture. She said it was because her kids had allergies but I think they had never had time to build up a resistance to dirt because she was always so clean. Yeah, I don't dust because I am thinking of the kids.That's it. Besides, dust is a protective finish for furniture. Two birds with one stone.
     Since I didn't know about "Now That School Has Started" back then I had to be a little creative. When we  moved into a new house I picked the color of Oklahoma red dirt for the carpet. (It was the seventies! What can I say?) You could look through the living room, out the window and to a little bare hill of dirt behind our yard and the color never changed. The front hall tile that was already there when we moved in was a mottled, really ugly mix of rust and off (way off) white that was such a busy pattern that---I'm not making this up---I don't think I mopped it five times in all the years we lived there. Nothing showed.
     I had gotten the idea to leave that tile there from the rental house we had moved from. It had kitchen carpet (too gross, even for me) that was rust and brown and some other color unknown to man and---you won't believe this, but it happened---when my friend Fran used to cut my red hair in that kitchen we actually lost the hair on the carpet and couldn't see where to sweep it up. Ask Fran, she's on Facebook!
     These days my kids are grown, we've moved from that house and I'm not even a school teacher, but I still can find better things to do than housework until it is forced upon me. (Oh, please! Like you don't do the very same thing.) Here I sit at the computer instead of doing the dishes. I can't do everything, you know. Not... Now That School Has Started.

Alarmimg System

     They keep calling us wanting to sell us an alarm system for our house. I guess they don't know that if somebody broke into our house they would probably be so amazed by the lack of stuff and the age of what we do have that they would back out slowly and maybe even leave a few things of their own to bring us into the 21st Century.
     I guess what they are trying to sell are those things that make loud shrieking noises if there is an illicit entrance. I have a little experience with those. Our out-of-town kids have one. Most of the time when we visit them there is somebody to greet us at the door so we don't have to worry about the alarm, but, just in case, one time that we went and got there a little earlier than we expected, we stopped at the school, got our granddaughter out of class and got her to tell me the code for the alarm. 
     She told me all the numbers I would need. I memorized them...I thought. It could be that numbers are not my forte.  And there was one small detail that she forgot to mention. It's likely that she had never had to use it. You have to push "Stop" after the numbers when you set it off. I mean if you set it off.
     We were going to meet the family for dinner but needed to put our dog, Gus inside their house. It was going to be a quick turn around. I had managed the neighborhood gate code. I had managed the garage door code. Surely I could manage the alarm code. Surely I had fooled myself. "Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!" It went on forever. I punched in every number I could remember. "Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!" I started again. I yelled out the door to my husband who was waiting in the car. "Call Josh!" The phone in the house rang. It was not Josh.
     "This is the alarm company. Is everything okay?" "Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!" Does it sound like everything is okay? I didn't say it, but I wanted to.
     "I'm Josh's mom! It's okay. I'm supposed to be here." "Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!" I'm still punching numbers. The alarm company lady sounds like she's about my age. Maybe she will be sympathetic. And she tries. "Did you punch stop?" she says. The whooping stops.
     "Oh, thank you!" I hung up the phone and ran for the bathroom.  (What? It was a two-hour trip with a Diet Coke involved.) I guess I was not supposed to hang up the phone. I did not get to it in time. Perhaps it seemed suspicious.
     The alarm lady did not give up. She called again. This time she wanted to know the Secret Code. And sympathetic as she was, she wouldn't tell me the question. I needed to know both question & answer! Did I know a secret code? Nobody ever told me a secret code. I went through every possibility. Mother's maiden name? (I knew that one). Name of your first dog? (I knew that one, too) High School? Fourth grade teacher's name? I went on & on. And then I hit on it. If anybody knows enough history to guess a secret code, it's your mom!  "Okay, I'll try to stop the police," said the semi-sympathetic alarm lady.
     So I tossed Gus a dogbone & ran out to the car. And this is why I don't think I want an alarm system. Please stop calling.

My Wedding Dress

I read that at the Republican convention Ivanka Trump wore a white dress from her own line that cost $158.00. (and Hilary Clinton wore a potato sack, excuse me, tweed jacket by Armani that cost $12,000.00 Now, I'm not making a political statement here, but, does Hilary Clinton not have a mirror? Or people to tell her?)

Of course, $158.00 is probably more than the sum total of the worth of all the clothes in my whole closet, but when your father is a billionaire, that is probably the equivalent to her of, say, $2.49, which is what I usually pay for anything that I buy from Goodwill, my personal couturier. The tag says $4.99 but I only buy things when I have a half-off coupon.

I do, however, have one dress that I did not buy at Goodwill. It may have cost $15.00. There was a close-out store called NBC ("1/2 Off of 1/2 Off!!!) that was near the furniture store where I worked in Oklahoma City about twenty-five years ago and sometimes, if you looked long and hard, you could find both pieces of a two piece outfit on the same day. And that is what I did when we were invited to the symphony in Kansas City when our son, Josh and his wife, Jerilyn lived there. (The fact that Josh was willing to go to the symphony with me again is probably a testament to Jerilyn's persuasive powers. But that's another blog. If you are curious, you can go to
http://patcareyanoldwifestales.blogspot.com/2011/07/practice-makes-perfect.html

I knew that you don't wear pants and a jacket, my work outfit, to the symphony, or even your clean khakis, so I bit the bullet, searched every rack in the whole store, and, voila!...there it was: a yellow, loosely pleated skirt and a matching top, sort of tunic length, in a fabric that kind of looks like the woven chain mail that a knight wore under his armor. With shoulder pads. And they were both rather flow-y.

At any rate, I actually pulled off the symphony thing without incident, and now I had a real dress that was not going to go to waste. It was that time in our lives when it seemed that all of our friends' kids and all of our kids' friends were getting married and a symphony dress is perfect for a wedding so I wore it often for a few years. Then it was my Easter dress a few times, okay, every Easter since then, and after the last two of my nephews were married it has been in my closet except for Easter and the occasional wedding every since.

So, naturally, when Dennis's client was getting married at a fancy hotel a couple of years ago, I didn't have to worry about what to wear. My wedding dress was waiting. Okay, the flow-y thing isn't going on any more, but I did cut out the shoulder pads somewhere along the way and I cut out that pesky tag that is beyond scratchy, always sticking up above your neckline for everybody to see when they are sitting behind you at a wedding.

It took me quite awhile to struggle into pantyhose, a piece of lingerie invented by the Marquis de Sade, I believe. And I did have a thing where my glasses fell apart at the last minute and I had to fasten them together with a straight pin that I stuck through the two holes where the ear piece is supposed to fasten onto the glass part (It's usually better to have the pins with the colorful bead at the top that make them easier to grasp when you are sewing but maybe this time the plain kind would have been better) but once I found a pair of shoes that were not flip-flops in the back of the closet we were good to go.

I guess it had been a few years since I wore the dress because I didn't remember it being that uncomfortable. I had rolled the skirt up into the elastic waist to get it the right length, but  I always do that.The top was just kind of binding my neck. Ok, the flow-y thing is sort of a fitted thing now but it was more than that. During the whole ceremony it felt like I was wearing a straight jacket. Finally, between the wedding and the reception, I found a ladies' room and took a good look in the well-lighted mirror. I was wearing the top backwards. Do you know how hard it is to change a dress in a little stall in a public restroom? There may have been some gasping and groaning and another wedding guest sort of looked at me strangely when I came out.

Well, now I know to look for the darts in the front of the dress before I put it on. I'm sure you'll get to see it come Easter, unless we are invited to the symphony before then.  I'm thinking of starting my own line of wedding/Easter/symphony dresses. I heard that the one Ivanka wore sold out in days.

The Personal Touch

I've been thinking we are using too much technology to communicate, like Dennis texts me from the bedroom when I'm in the kitchen and wants me to bring him something. And even though our kids live right in our neighborhood we rarely go into each other's houses, like if Miranda has texted me that she wishes she had some Goldfish crackers and there is not a thing to eat at her house and she hasn't had breakfast and nobody is home. I will put some Goldfish crackers into a baggie and take them to her, five streets over. (What? That's what Grandma's do!) But when I get to their driveway I text her to come out to the car and get them instead of taking them in.

So, today when I wanted to take a newspaper article to our son and his wife, I decided I would not text from the driveway, even though Jake usually texts Miranda to come out when he is here to pick her up instead of coming in. I pulled up in front of the house, the driveway being full of both their vehicles, and actually got out of the car to go up to the door. Well, I started to. I may have forgotten how to really do that. Because when I opened the car door and stepped out there was a curb and muddy water running in front of it from the rain we had this morning. And I may have gotten my feet mixed up trying to decide whether to jump across the water to the curb or get my purple flip flops wet on the way. And suddenly the decision was taken from me and not only were my purple flip flops muddy but one knee of my pants was in the mud and the rest of me was kind of in the grass, only not really because my rear was in the air and my face was about five inches from the ground. And then I decided to just give in and laid my forehead on the grass while I evaluated if anything was damaged and tried to figure out how to turn over from my front to my back. Okay, I know you fitness freaks, excuse me, nimble young people, can't even comprehend that this would be difficult but, trust me, it is something I've tried before and it doesn't come easy and I already knew that without something to climb up on there was no way I was getting up from that position.

Now, during this time Dennis was sitting in the car waiting to see what I was going to do. He knows from past experience it is best not to make suggestions. He does, however, yell, "Are you okay? Are you okay?" And here is where that technology thing did come in handy. Sort of.  "Call Jake," I said, Jake being in the house in front of us, maybe fifty feet away. So Dennis grabs his cell phone, runs through his contact list--No, no one knows anybody's real phone number any more. It's the technological age!--pushes a button and calls our friend, Jack, who lives in Shawnee, Oklahoma.

I hear him saying, "Oh, hi Jack. I guess I called you accidently. I was trying to call my son, Jake. Ya doing okay? Say, listen, let me call you back after I talk to Jake." while I am thrashing around on the ground giving the appearance of having a "Grandma Seizure". (I SAID I was sorry for making fun of the person who mixed up that word! Jeez!) And finally, he gets Jake on the cell phone which makes me happy because sometimes Jake prefers to only respond to texts and if you have ever waited for Dennis to text somebody you know you could write a three page letter, stamp it and send it by snail mail by the time he gets the text written.

But, anyway, Jake came rushing out the door, followed by Robyn, so I got to see them both at once and Jake grabbed onto my hands since I had managed to roll into a semi-sitting position, and pulled me up. And we all had a nice chat about the fact that he seems to have to pull either Dennis or me up a lot and I gave them the newspaper article I had brought and we went back home so I could change out of my muddy pants and purple flip flops while Dennis called Jack back and talked for twenty minutes. And now I am telling you all about it on Social Media. So much for limiting technology,

Why I Live in Tornado Alley

     Whenever there is a tornado outbreak in our state, many of our friends and relatives from around the country begin asking me on Facebook and on the phone, "How can you live there?" "Don't you think you need to move back here?" and to that I must say...

     There are natural disasters almost everywhere you might live. California has earthquakes, Arizona and many states around it have wildfires, the East Coast and Gulf Coast have hurricanes, there are blizzards in the north and floods in the Midwest.
     Being in the path of storms is the price we pay for living in the friendliest, most generous, kindest place in the world.Yes, we have disasters, but within minutes there are neighbors, and friends, and strangers who become friends lining up to help.They give money, the clothes off their backs, and their labor.They open up their homes.They pass out food.They travel across the state to go to the aid of hurting people.
     We don't have to have a tornado or a building blown up by terrorists to bring out the love in our state.When you stand in line at the market, people chat.When you stop to admire someone's garden she is likely to invite you to the back yard to see more and you leave with some cuttings to plant in your own garden.The people on your street have a block party and everyone brings food and sits around talking and laughing. If you are out to dinner and there are storm warnings, you can call a neighbor who will brave the weather to go check on your dog.
     There are churches practically on every corner here and the people who attend them live their faith. More than one church in our community offers free breakfast and lunch to kids all summer long because they know that when school is out many will be hungry without the free lunch program at their schools. Many churches partner with a school and weed their lawns, paint the playground equipment, monitor tests, donate school supplies, send encouraging notes and little treats to the teachers, and help out any way they can.
     Oklahoma probably doesn't need me, but I need it. I need to feel that wind "come rushing down the plain" and mess my hair. I need to get my fingers in the red dirt that is impossible to wash out of a kid's clothes. I need to wake up the morning after a storm and see the sky, that unique Oklahoma blue, with white, big-bellied clouds that look like you could bounce on them.
     I need to see the different cultures living together yet maintaining their own heritage. I need to hear the town names, like Gotebo and Bug Tussle and Hooker, and know that when I drive there, it could be that a dog will be taking its nap out on the highway because it sleeps there everyday and I can darn well drive around it! I need to know that when the school has a pet show in the parking lot someone is likely to trailer in a horse for her entry.
     I need to know when the State Fair is in town and to hear the stories of friends from our church who go there to minister to the carnies, taking them blankets and bottles of shampoo. I need to hear the drawl of someone who asks me if I want to take the "buggy" he is finished with at the grocery store and tell me they are "fixin'" to move a "humongous" load of hay.
     I have lived here more than forty years and raised my sons here. They don't remember anyplace else, although they were born in California. We left here once but Oklahoma red dirt is in our blood now, I guess, and we couldn't stand it. When we crossed the state line as we were moving back I let out the breath I must have been holding all along and knew I was home.
     I wasn't born in Oklahoma, but I hope to stay here till God takes me to His heavenly home.  Psalms 139:16 says "All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be," so no matter if there are tornadoes or illness or however God chooses to take me, I know I don't need to worry or be afraid. It is in His hands and His timing. I just want the trip to be from Oklahoma. It's pretty close to Heaven already.