I don't know how men get by carrying just what is in their pockets. Where do they keep their little packages of tissues or their used tissues or notebooks or extra pens or crayons for the kids or sunglasses? Oh, that's right. They hand their sunglasses and anything extra they have to their wives to put in their purses.
I see some young women carrying purses that aren't much bigger than my wallet, and I don't know how they do that either, but then they're probably single and don't have to carry the sunglasses for their husbands. Here is what is in my purse right now: wallet, of course, containing my driver's license, voter ID, three credit cards, cards for movies, cards for discounts at grocery stores, cards for CVS and Toys R Us and Sam's, and memberships to a bunch of places and so on. And a little bit of money. There is also lipstick, a pill case, a comb, (yeah, I know you think I never use it, but it's there if I decide to) hand cream, eye-drops, a datebook, (I know, I know, but even if I could get the information into my phone I would never remember how to access it when I need it.) another card case with more cards including my library card, keys, extra garage door opener in case someone is giving me a ride, coupon envelope, notebook for blog ideas, a bunch of extra pens, old receipts, crayons in little boxes you get in restaurants, pages of stickers and pipe cleaners for twisting into really cool shapes when kids have to wait a long time and be quiet, like in church, a package of Splenda in case they don't put enough in Dennis's coffee at McDonald's.
There is more but I am getting tired of listing things. How would I get all that into a fashionable purse the size of a pack of cards? I'm pretty sure my shoulder problem stems from the weight of all that stuff hanging there when I sling my purse across my shoulder.
Remember Art Linkletter? (He was on television about a hundred and fifty years ago) He opened an audience member's purse and pulled out a breast pump once. I don't have one of those in there. And I leave my sunglasses in the car and tend to keep my cell phone in my pocket now.
While I can't figure out how those teeny purses work, I can't figure out how women use those giant purses, the ones like big duffel bags, either. Everything just falls to the bottom and it is like an archaeological expedition to find anything. (Oh, please! I've seen you dumping everything out onto the floor trying to find your keys.) I have to have purses with very specific configurations. The right amount of pockets in the right places. I know they look like old lady purses, but hey, I AM an old lady. I try to put the same things in the same pockets all the times and once when I lost my keys while we were on a trip and called back, my sister looked everywhere in St. Louis for them and I finally had a whole new set of keys made. It turned out later that they were in the bottom of my purse instead of the pocket where I ALWAYS put them. Except that time.
When it comes time that I am forced to buy a new purse, usually because holes have worn into the lining and essential things creep in there and hide from me, taunting me with their jingling, eluding my grasp, I have a dichotomy of feelings. I hate looking for a purse that fits my very exact needs because I look and look and cannot find one. On the other hand, there is always the excitement of the hunt, the absolutely, fantastically perfect one may be out there; I just haven't found it yet. I have several in my closet that I thought might be IT but they weren't and I had to start again. What I really wish is that I could design my own, have somebody make it out of industrial strength materials, and keep it forever.
Then there is the issue of the cost, of course. On "Price Is Right" they often give away purses that they say are worth (a relative term) more than a thousand dollars. Please! I worked with a lady who said she paid $300 for a purse once but she was still carrying it seventeen years later. I guess at $17.64 a year it was not a bad deal but I'd still have a hard time laying out the initial cash. My favorite purse so far, and I'm carrying it for the second year, is one I paid two dollars for at Goodwill.
I just read about the world's most expensive purse that is on display in Dubai. It is made of 18 caret gold, encrusted with 4,517 diamonds and the price tag is $3.8 million dollars. I don't think it's for me though. It doesn't have the right pockets. I think it might just be better to get my husband one of those "man bags". (Men call them Messenger Bags but we really know what they are) Then I can hand him things to carry for me instead of the other way around.
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