Small Craft Warnings

I've never really been a crafty person.  I did cover toilet paper rolls with contact paper to match my kitchen once and stuffed the cords from the toaster and coffee maker into them, but that was more a décor thing than a craft thing and I never gave any of them away as Christmas presents. And I made those potholders with stretchy pieces of yarn when I was a kid, just like you did, but nobody ever bought any from me when I went door to door trying to sell them. It's a good thing Hobby Lobby isn't depending on me to keep their billion dollar business going.

Well, all right, long, long ago I did kind of get into making candles.  Not like the candles you can buy for $30 a pop at a candle party these days but at the time they were kind of unique.  You took an empty half gallon milk carton, tied some wick to a fishing weight, then you dangled the wick into the  carton by tying it to a stick or something laid across the top and----here comes the unique part----you filled the carton with crushed ice. Then you melted paraffin in a five-pound coffee can and poured it on top of the ice. While the wax set up the ice melted leaving a lacy pattern.Tear off the cardboard carton and voila! A candle! I don't know how you could do that today because coffee doesn't even come in metal cans. Or even five-pound containers for that matter.

The end of that project came one night when I accidentally dropped the can full of melted paraffin onto the kitchen floor. The floor was kind of a black swirly linoleum. The wax was red. It did not make a pretty color. No problem, you say: wait for the wax to dry and peel it off the floor.  That would have been the way to go except for one little detail. We had radiant heat in the floor and it was winter. Toasty on the toes in the morning, but the warmth wouldn't allow the wax to harden enough to peel, yet it would not stay liquid enough to just mop up. My last remembrance of my candle making hobby is of Dennis on the floor with a blow torch, holding it above the wax enough to melt it so we could wipe it up with a rag. Lots of rags. For a very long time.  It may have been his idea for me to think about another craft.

After that  I found a craft project that seemed right up my alley.  No Sew Pants. I swear I am not making this up! You could make palazzo pants---and you know how I love palazzo pants---out of one multi-yard length of fabric. It was quite ingenious. You wrapped the ends around your waist, bent over double at the middle, flung the other end between your legs, quickly grabbed the top in the air, wrapped that part around your waist, tied, and presto! Palazzo pants!  It required NO sewing!

 It was amazing; it really looked like pants when you were done. Unfortunately, sometimes it was difficult to remember what you were supposed to wrap first, which direction to fling the fabric or which end was up.  And then you had to untangle yourself and start all over after resting awhile to get the blood to flow from your head back down to your legs.  Once you had it together you were good to go, though.  A vision of loveliness, out for the evening. Until you had to use the bathroom.

So, you're standing in the stall with the whole ball of fabric in your hands. You try to remember which end to wrap around your waist first. You bend your  head between your legs. You fling. The blood is rushing to your head. Nothing comes up for you to catch at the top. You look around to see where the errant fabric has gone, and.--Oh! There it is. Thank the Lord they did not have automatic flushing back then is all I have to say.

Today we have pretty much a craft-free zone around here. When the grandkids come over with paint or glue or glitter I say "Oh, sweetie.  Your mama is such a good crafter.  I know she would want to do this with you at your house."  I don't think Hobby Lobby is going to go broke without me.