Arlarming Situation

     My alarm clock has it in for me. Granted, I don't use it every day since we are retired, but it still is making itself known. It sits there and sneers at me because it knows I don't really know how to control it. Like, I don't know how to change the time. I know now that you aren't supposed to have to, but once I tried to set it for Daylight Savings Time, not realizing that it is All Knowing and wanted to do that by itself. So, it moved six minutes and that was all and now it won't go back, so I always have to factor in the extra six minutes and since it involves math I get confused sometimes whether to add or subtract.
     Who knew it was able to do it's own thing even when the government keeps changing the day that the time changes each year? I just go to sleep now on Time Change Day with it one time, and when I wake up it has reset itself to an hour later or earlier, depending on the season.  It is kind of creepy.
     It is supposed to allow you to change the time you want the alarm to go off, of course, but I can't remember how to do that either. It sometimes just comes on randomly, like at three-forty-five IN THE MORNING!!! even though I think I've got it turned off. It's a clock-radio and trust me, some guy shouting about politics all of a sudden in your bedroom in the middle of the night is not conducive to restful slumber. Or it doesn't go off when I need to wake up at a certain time. In fact, now that Gus, the Wonder-Yorkie, who has been our real alarm clock for five years, has gotten older and started sleeping in some, I'm going to have to figure it out. There may be an instruction book around here somewhere. Or my daughter-in-law, Jerilyn, may show up some day. She can stare it down and make it mind. She got it started when I first got it, I think.  (Or that may have been the answering machine, but that's another blog.)
     There's an alarm feature on my cell phone that Jerilyn set up for when I have to take some medicine at the same time each day. I can't work that thing either. It's not for lack of trying. Or, at least I used to try before I got so frustrated I gave up. Okay, I tried once. Actually, a lot of times but all on one day. Or night. It was very critical and I have been so mad at it that I  never want to look at that feature again. Our son, Josh, was leaving on his deployment, so emotions were already running high, and we needed to be up at four a.m. to go to the airport with him. We had stayed at Josh and Jerilyn's house so we could do that. There was no alarm clock in the guest room, but I thought, "No problem.  I've got my cell phone." HA! I tried to set it about six-hundred and fifty times till I gave up and basically stayed awake all night checking the time about every fifteen minutes. Did I mention I'm somewhat technically-challenged?
     There was a day, probably before you were born, when clocks actually had faces and there were  hands that went around and pointed to numbers and told you what time it was. You used a second set of hands to set the alarm for the time you wanted to get up, and they had buttons that you pulled out and you just hit the buttons to turn them off. Even I could do it. Back then, I would set two clocks, one next to the bed, then one across the room for ten minutes later so I actually had to get up to turn it off. It was very efficient. You couldn't hit the snooze button eleven times and still be late for work like you can today.
     The alarm clock I have now has been intruding into my life lately by making strange noises, like static, every time my cell phone is on the night stand with it.  I'm not sure if the two of them are communicating in some strange, secret code, plotting against me, or if the noise is the sound of aliens trying to contact earth and the presence of the cell phone heightens the magnetic field for them. I stopped it for awhile by setting a heavy coaster on top of the clock, but the other night they were back, even with the weight there.
     If I don't show up for something some morning when you were expecting me, come check. It could be that the Evil Alarm Clock has won its battle. Then again, I could just still be snoozing away. The best revenge is a good night's sleep.