How Smart Is Smart?

     It has happened. The cell phone I have had for a couple of years has always been smarter than me but we had reached an agreement where I only used about half of its features so as not to stress it (or me), and that was working, but yesterday I was coerced into getting an upgrade. The new one is not only smarter than me, it is a member of Mensa and is just sitting here sneering at me. It is so smart it doesn't even deign to communicate with us little people.
     So far, everything it has allowed to happen has been set up by my eleven-year-old granddaughter, Hayley. She's really smart so I guess the phone thinks she's an equal. But now I have to wait for her to come over before I can do anything else. What if somebody calls? I'm not sure if I will be able to figure out how to answer. Or how to call Hayley to tell her I need her to come rescue me.
     Besides that, following the example of the nerd stereotype, it isn't even pretty. I wanted purple; the choice was black or white. Plus it is heavy and won't fit in the back pocket on my pajamas. That may be a good thing. The two times that I dropped my old phone in the toilet it was because it fell out of my pajama pocket.
     This wasn't really in my plans, but Dennis's phone was about to die, our techie son offered to pay,  and I had to go along to keep peace in the family. And stay on the family plan.
     If I ever master this thing....and I'm not holding my breath....apparently I will be able to talk, text, listen to music, surf the web and watch videos all while secretly taking pictures of people who are dressed inappropriately at Wal-Mart, and then send the pictures to Facebook. Oh, and check the stock market for my non-existent stocks and locate myself on a map, which I'll need to do because I was looking at the phone and didn't pay attention to where I was going. The map is of the WHOLE world, you just have to slide your finger to find a country, so that is a little scary. Does this mean I may wind up in Uganda before I know it? And will there be cell service there?
     The good thing is that I will always know the weather in Cupertino.That is the city that permanently appears on the weather screen. (That map may come in handy after all.) Knowing the weather in Broken Arrow, not so much. I guess I can stick my head out the door to find that out anyway.
     Dennis didn't get the same phone I did. His has huge numbers on it so he can see them, and the other one was free so you know which one I chose. It would have been easier if we had the same one, then he could learn half the information and I could learn the other half.  We share one brain most of the time anyway.
     He has been studying his and even watched a video online about it, but when Hayley called him this afternoon he couldn't figure out how to answer before she hung up. While he was saying "Hello! Hello!" and poking at the screen, he got a nice picture of his palm, though. When he finally talked to her she said she would come over this evening and hold a class in iPhone 101. Maybe there's hope, but if you really need to get hold of me, you'd better drive on over, at least for the near future.