Alarmimg System

     They keep calling us wanting to sell us an alarm system for our house. I guess they don't know that if somebody broke into our house they would probably be so amazed by the lack of stuff and the age of what we do have that they would back out slowly and maybe even leave a few things of their own to bring us into the 21st Century.
     I guess what they are trying to sell are those things that make loud shrieking noises if there is an illicit entrance. I have a little experience with those. Our out-of-town kids have one. Most of the time when we visit them there is somebody to greet us at the door so we don't have to worry about the alarm, but, just in case, one time that we went and got there a little earlier than we expected, we stopped at the school, got our granddaughter out of class and got her to tell me the code for the alarm. 
     She told me all the numbers I would need. I memorized them...I thought. It could be that numbers are not my forte.  And there was one small detail that she forgot to mention. It's likely that she had never had to use it. You have to push "Stop" after the numbers when you set it off. I mean if you set it off.
     We were going to meet the family for dinner but needed to put our dog, Gus inside their house. It was going to be a quick turn around. I had managed the neighborhood gate code. I had managed the garage door code. Surely I could manage the alarm code. Surely I had fooled myself. "Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!" It went on forever. I punched in every number I could remember. "Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!" I started again. I yelled out the door to my husband who was waiting in the car. "Call Josh!" The phone in the house rang. It was not Josh.
     "This is the alarm company. Is everything okay?" "Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!" Does it sound like everything is okay? I didn't say it, but I wanted to.
     "I'm Josh's mom! It's okay. I'm supposed to be here." "Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!" I'm still punching numbers. The alarm company lady sounds like she's about my age. Maybe she will be sympathetic. And she tries. "Did you punch stop?" she says. The whooping stops.
     "Oh, thank you!" I hung up the phone and ran for the bathroom.  (What? It was a two-hour trip with a Diet Coke involved.) I guess I was not supposed to hang up the phone. I did not get to it in time. Perhaps it seemed suspicious.
     The alarm lady did not give up. She called again. This time she wanted to know the Secret Code. And sympathetic as she was, she wouldn't tell me the question. I needed to know both question & answer! Did I know a secret code? Nobody ever told me a secret code. I went through every possibility. Mother's maiden name? (I knew that one). Name of your first dog? (I knew that one, too) High School? Fourth grade teacher's name? I went on & on. And then I hit on it. If anybody knows enough history to guess a secret code, it's your mom!  "Okay, I'll try to stop the police," said the semi-sympathetic alarm lady.
     So I tossed Gus a dogbone & ran out to the car. And this is why I don't think I want an alarm system. Please stop calling.