Buying in Bulk

     When I was at Sam's Club earlier today the check-out belt across the aisle from me was piled so high that I couldn't tell what all was there. I saw a double pack of gallon orange juice bottles shrink wrapped together, industrial-sized containers of mayonnaise, big pillow case-sized bags of sugar, four thousand or so paper cups (the Solo kind) in tall stacks that I planned to steer clear of if we got to the door at the same time because the stacks were so long they could put your eye out, and some double cereal boxes the size of a coffee table. And more.
     Sometimes I see people buying so much they have to load it onto big, flat dollies that look like aircraft carriers with handles and drag it through the store with all four wheels going in different directions. I think Sam's should supply something like land-based tug boats to guide those things. Anyway, I guess that if they are buying that much they must have a store or restaurant or something. Or maybe they have seventeen kids and they are just buying supplies for the week-end.  And if that's the case, I want them to talk to me and tell me the logistics of cooking and cleaning and how much laundry they do. I don't know why, but I am always curious about these things.
     My sister shops at Sam's all the time.  Someone watching her might imagine that she is buying for a crew of construction workers, but she actually lives alone these days. It's a habit she can't seem to break, though. If she needs a can of green beans she buys a case. Paper plates come by the thousand and if you want margarine at her house be prepared to dig it out of a tub the size of a kitchen trash can. Last Christmas when she was here I wanted a few pieces of peppermint candy to put in a gift.  She knew exactly what I needed and now I have a huge plastic container in my pantry that holds 290 peppermint balls, less the twenty I used. I'm prepared for many Christmases to come. If you get a gift from me that contains stale peppermints, blame it on her. One time a few years ago she had bought so much from Sam's in one year---I am not making this up!---that they gave her a special pass so she could come in the store at 6:00 a.m. to shop before anybody else was there, even most of the employees.
     I don't know what it is about Sam's, and I hear Costco is the same way, but somehow when you are there you are mesmerized and feel as though you need to buy enough to feed the Third Infantry.  And it's not really your fault. They don't carry the Family size. Their sizes come in Gigantic, Humongous, and Just-Back-Your-Truck-Up-To-The-Loading-Dock.
     The one thing I am most curious about is how much are people paying for all this stuff? (Oh, please! Don't tell me you haven't wondered the same thing yourself.) I try to look, surreptitiously, when the checker rings them up but they always turn that screen away from me. So I think someday I'd like to be one of those people who stands at the door of Sam's and checks off people's receipts when they are leaving, then I could look at the totals and examine all the stuff in their baskets, too. Of course, when I said "Holy Cow! How long does it take you to go through a hundred and fifty-six rolls of toilet paper?" or something, somebody---I don't know who, I wouldn't---might take offense, but think how much I'd find out in the meantime.
     And, just in case you are wondering what I was buying there, I only had two items: a box of Goldfish Crackers that contained three giant bags, a pound-and-a-half each,  and a five pound bag of grated cheese. There's just Dennis and me.  I didn't need to get the big ones.